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noun  

1. Dominance in fragility  
2. A person dedicated to reclaiming love
passionately and can misinterpreted as anger
3. A spiritually beautiful person working hard. 

 

 / prɪti - man-dem / 

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3.5.24
 

'Fuck off and give me my 1st'

 

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How to situate a metaphorical state of mind. 
This is the question I've been asking myself all day. 

The simple answers are : 


'Fuck.'
Deadlines in 2 weeks, I've got a lot written down 
a lot of ideas, a lot of processes and conceptual 
awareness about stuff. 
Random shit. 
And it needs to be executed on a website? 




 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



It's no brag that I know what I'm doing. I'd be concerned if I didn't. 
I'm 20, living in London as a minority woman  'in the crack den of Holloway.' 
I've been studying photography since the age of 14 and have had traditional darkroom practise training for 6 years. 

'I best know what the fuck I'm doing'. 



Strong. What the fuck does that mean. 
Don't they hear me say
'I need help, I feel like I'm going to fail.' 
Only to be told, 'make these feelings a masterpiece.' 

'Great, so that was nothing.' 
'How much money do I owe this place again?' 

'This place is a fucking joke'. 


They've asked me to situate a space. 
So I situated the realist one I know in this university. 

So fuck it, here it goes. 
This is it. 
My work, situated in the space of a methodical, calculated  and detail focused thinker, with an eye for photography - acting out. 
I would've made the situated space my desk, but honestly it would've been
a lot harder to follow than my head.  
Hopefully after this project more people within the class will be able to engage with my  thought process of my work. 
 
'Choose me, love me.' 
'No.'


I don't really care if you don't like me. 
I have my friends and not looking for friendship. 
This work serves to contextualise my lived experience through a medium extracted from the same textbooks and websites  you provide. 
So that when I speak next I don't hear the sound of my own echo. 

'Cause believe it or not, I don't like the sound of my own voice' 
 



























I am here, not because I am different or special.
'This isn't coonery going on' 
I am here cause I've worked  fucking hard to be here.
To be 1 of 2 declares a glitch in the 
system.  That I either frauded my way into this place, or I must've been born a prodigy. 'How the fuck did she get here?' 
















'For Kunta Kinte I will for every opportunity given to me.' 

I know slavery happened, and shit most black people do. 
So why when celebrating Black History, we only talk about the part of history you lot made us slaves? Is it us celebrating or you? 

Who does this serve? 

I for one, don't care if you want to wear your hair in cornrows. 
It doesn't offend me  because you can't out-do the doer. 
and my Mama taught me 'Who can't ere muss feel'. 

You've been told.

Honestly, I don't even care if you are white and you say Nigga behind my back. 
My expectations are so low in fact, I've already assumed you've all said it. 
If not shamelessly one time as a part of a joke, then your intrusively when no one is looking. I've said a lot of things without saying it, so no shame if you have. 

'All the shame if I hear about it though.'


I  haven't even gotten into the body of work yet and already, I'm doing too much explaining to why I deserve to be heard and seen. 

'Pick me, choose me' 

This university has made my experience feel like it was pulled straight out  'Black Skin, white mask' connotations of being a black student in a white space. 

"Nergoes. The Negro"  is the savage whereas the student is civilized. - Franz Fanon 
And I can't lie, I've had enough. 


So enjoy whilst I continue being 'strong'.
'whatever that means.' 

You paid for this, so I guess heres the final transaction. 


Paid in full - fuck subtractions. 

 

- Do whatever the fuck you want

- Do nothing. 

Words by Lattina Da'Costa 
 


KNOWING MY AUDIENCE. 

  • For my lecturers grading this, you'll come back and still not understand the comprehension of this space. For none of you are a black woman. - all I ask is for you to listen and LEARN. 

  • For my fellow course peers in university, only 3 people will understand what is like to be black. 
     

  • For the 2 black men you won't be able to relate to the same treatment of black woman to men. 

  • For the other black girl on my course, I hope I get to hear one day the story of you. Rather than be 1 of 2. 

  • For my fellow black women -  I ask for you to see this as a sign to be and do whatever the fuck you want, with no explanations. 

'Right.'

At least half the works done.

'I should've left by now. I hate this shit show.

Blow my brains now why don't you'.

'I want a spliff, a fat one.''

'No, not until you've finished this.'

 

'Finished writing about what, yourself?'

 

The ego. My ego. How to situate an ego.

An ego felt in waves and accumulated black dots.

'I sound fucking crazy.'

How to tell them I see swirls of literature

when someone speaks. I jolt up and scribe

when I feel my mind. I speak in poetry,

a melody only I can hear.

Too quick to label me queer.

I am fast person.

 

This website and idea was created before the project was set fast.

 

'Black hole

White Wall.'

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I want to formally express here now, that my experience SHOULDN'T be taken as a 'The Black Experience' as there is no such thing.

I'm of 1/2 black girls on the course.

A real conversation that somehow gets lost under the  the pre-planned and rehearsed Black History exhibits exhausting the known stories of Windrush and the trans- Atlantic Slave Trade. 

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REDACTED: 'You are strong minded enough to do what you need to do and not follow the specifications '

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My purpose is quite different: What I want to do is help the black man to free himself of the arsenal of complexes that have been developed by the colonial environment.

 

 

- Franz Fanon, Black Face, White Masks  

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